Remedies

So my kid and I are pretty lucky that he hasn't had any health problems. No colic, no reflux, nothing that's warranted a call to the pediatrician yet :knock on wood:.

What he has had are pretty common baby-type things: 1) discomfort while pooping, 2) diaper rash, and 3) a blocked tear duct. We've been able to figure out how to deal with these pretty quickly at home (with the solicited advice of some experienced relatives).

Discomfort while pooping.

What was going on with our guy: he just hasn't gotten used to the whole sensation of stuff running through his system. He was starting to push way too soon, and getting frustrated.

What we did: we pushed on his feet so that his knees folded up toward his chest. This put him in a better pushing position than laying straight out. We also sometimes moved his legs in a circular motion, like he's riding a bicycle. If he seemed to have more gas than anything else we gave him Mylicon.

Diaper rash.

What was going on with our guy: he was getting a red little bum and one day I noticed little red spots that were about to turn into sores.

What we did: first we changed his diaper more often. Then we addressed the rash itself. We used water-only wipes (which the pediatrician recommended for the first month anyway), then at each diaper change used cornstarch baby powder to make sure his little butt was completely dry. Afterwards we applied a paste made of diaper rash ointment (zinc oxide) and Maalox. The spots disappeared within a couple of diaper changes and the redness went away by the next morning.

Blocked tear duct.

What was going on with our guy: baby's left eye was watering and he woke up with little eye crusties. He didn't have a fever or any other symptoms of being sick.

What we did: first I got a clean washcloth wet with hot water and made a hot compress for his eye. Then I ran my (clean) finder under his eye toward his nose 4 or 5 times as a kind of massage. I compressed the eye again immediately after. At his next feeding I dropped a couple of drops of breast milk into his eye (again, using a clean finger). According to the old wife known as my mother, breast milk has antibodies in it that will help to clear up minor infections. Well what do you know, it worked. The next morning my kid's eye was clear and the problem didn't come back for a few weeks. Last night he started to get a watery eye again, so we'll be treating again tonight.

Old Ladies Love Babies

So yesterday we brought the Little Man in for his one month well-baby appointment. Everything looks good, he's gaining weight, gaining length, and his head had a growth spurt. He cried through the whole exam, though. Screamed, really. This kid just really doesn't like being nekkid.

Anyway, after we got out of the exam room and I was waiting to pay the good doctor my husband and son were immediately assaulted by the 4 old ladies sitting in the waiting room.

"It's a brand new one!"

"Oh, he's so tiny for making all that noise!"

"How precious, what a handsome baby."

"I remember when my grandchildren were so small."

"What's his name?"

"How old is he?"

"You know, I have 2 children, 2 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren!"

"Well I have 2 children and 6 grandchildren!"

"Oh yeah? Well I have 2 children, 4 grandchildren, and EIGHT great-grandchildren!"

"What a beautiful little baby, and you look like you have some experience with babies!"

"What a natural father."

Finally, one of the old ladies turned to me and said "Do you nurse?" I said yes. She said "Well he's crying for food, you oughta feed him!"

Nice.

My Son, Month 1

I had assumed that the first couple of months would be rather uneventful. I expected that our days and nights would consist of feedings, diaper changes, soothing, and sleep. Well, our Little Man has made his needs and preferences clear from the beginning.

Things he's taught me in the first month:

• He doesn't like to sleep on his back. He much prefers his side.
• If I have to put him on his tummy, it darn well better be tummy to tummy with Mom.
• Eating is the best thing evarrrrrr...he dreams about it constantly.
• Mirrors might be the next best thing.
• Diaper changes aren't so bad, but changing clothes is torture.
• Baths can be fun given the right circumstances. Or they can be almost as bad as clothing changes given the wrong ones.
• He will grow faster than I'm ready.
• He has a 6th sense about when I lay down to take a nap - it's his cue to wake up and need food. STAT.
• Waking up isn't fun for anyone, not even tiny babies. Can I cry like that when I need to start waking up for work?
• Nipples aren't very confusing for him. Nip is nip in his world, and they're alllllll good.

What No One Told Me About Breastfeeding

Lesson: before you have kids you know more about how mommying works than after having a kid.

Subject of the lesson: breastfeeding.

Since the beginning of the pregnancy I had heard about how hard breastfeeding is. Not how hard it can be - how hard it is. I considered taking a class, but in the end decided not to because :drumroll:

Women have been breastfeeding for thousands of years and the species has survived this long. It's a natural process, so it must be instinctual.

Well, to some extent it is instinctual. We know to put the baby on the breast and the baby knows to suck. But if that's all you know or all you're doing then the process will probably be rather difficult. It's been difficult enough for me and I'm one of the lucky ones whose baby has a good latch and my milk production is excellent.

What my assumption didn't take into account is that there are instincts and there are learned behaviors, and almost always those two factors have to be combined. For instance, you and I have an instinct to eat, but we have to learn what we can eat. Women instinctively know to put a newborn to the breast, but need some kind of guidance to do it effectively.

In earlier times people lived in smaller communities and were surrounded by birth (and death). Feeding a baby at the breast was something that young girls and women witnessed as a matter of course and could be explicitly taught by other members of the community if need be. More recently we've lost that. The nuclear family exposes us to fewer births, and societal norms tend to hide breastfeeding moms behind a blanket, in separate rooms, or at home. We don't see breastfeeding as a normal part of everyday life anymore; it's something that separates moms from society now. It's something that isn't usually discussed. Some people even put it in the same category as using the bathroom or masturbating - things that are unsanitary and offensive to do in front of other people. All of this hinders knowledge being filtered down or taught to new moms.

There are some things that I did know ahead of time that helped me to stick with breastfeeding after the first few days. Even that bit of knowledge, though, came with implications that I hadn't thought of ahead of time.

Here are some things that I knew followed by some additional information that no one warned me about.

A newborn's stomach is the size of a marble; all it needs during the first few days can be supplied by colostrum.

What I didn't think of: it doesn't take long for that stomach to empty, either. The baby will cry for food very often throughout the day and night. It was physically and emotionally draining to meet the baby's needs during this time. I recommend Lansinoh after at least every other feeding to prevent against cracked nipples.

Milk comes in later, usually 3-5 days after birth. The breasts may become engorged with milk and sore.

What I didn't know: baby's stomach hadn't caught up to the supply yet, so nursing only relieved so much of the discomfort. Also, the milk leaked. For me it leaked a lot and soaked right through my cloth nursing pads. The disposables (with a protective plastic lining) worked a ton better.

Milk comes out through the nipples (I know, I'm digging deep here, right?)

What I didn't know: there is more than one let-down of milk during a feeding. Meaning, the milk will come through the nipples and then stop flowing for a bit. With continued suckling after a few minutes the milk will come through again.

What I really, really wish I had known: some women (like me, heh) have what is known as a "forceful let-down" at first. This is where your breasts become a milk cannon and shoot breast milk out sometimes 2 feet from your body. This isn't pleasant for anyone, especially the nursing baby, and it makes a giant mess. A quick search of Google yields a lot of good advice about how to slow the flow or at least minimize the force. None of this advice worked for me. The same search also says that it should let up after a few weeks. Five and a half weeks later and I'm still waiting patiently.

Babies go through growth spurts.

What I didn't know: baby will ask for milk like he's in the middle of a nic fit during a growth spurt. During a growth spurt my kid goes from 0 to starving in approximately 0.00003 seconds. This is physically and emotionally trying in the same way that it was before my milk came in.

You need to drink plenty of water during the time that you're nursing.

What I didn't know: you want to drink all that extra water WHILE you're nursing. And I always forget this until after the baby is already latched on.

Nursing is a great opportunity to bond with your baby.

What I didn't know: how much of his little personality and funny quirks I would get to know during this time. Even though it's tough on both of us some of the time I'm so glad that I decided to stick with breast feeding.

What No One Told Me About Recovery

During the months leading up to delivery I had been told over and over again that my body will need time to heal. 6 weeks to heal, to give a rough estimate. However, nobody was specific about what exactly was going to happen. If I asked, I'd usually get a "Trust me. Just use the time to relax if you can."

So I'm not going to do that here. I'm going to outline what my experience has been so far with recovery.

Part 1: In the Hospital

You'll have lost some blood during labor and delivery. In me, this affected blood pressure and energy levels. So when you first get up to go to the bathroom, you might be pretty unsteady on your feet.

While you're in the bathroom, you'll probably notice that you're pretty swollen, um, down there. If you had any tearing or an episiotomy (or, like me, both) then you'll probably have stitches and a bit more swelling. For example, I was swollen out to about the size of a golf ball in the week or so after delivery. This made walking extremely difficult at first, and urinating was pretty uncomfortable. Also, with all the foam and pads and sprays and what have you that they gave me to use it took about 3 times as long to get in and out of the bathroom. As for showering, I didn't have the energy or the stomach to stand up long enough for even a quick shower in the day or two after delivery.

Most of my day was spent cooing over my newborn while sitting on an ice pack.

Part 2: At Home

Moving around was still quite difficult for the first two weeks or so. As the swelling (slowly) went down I could feel the stitches every once in a while poking into still-tender skin. Changing positions in bed or in chairs was challenging because the soreness was pretty bad; but staying in one position was also pretty painful.

But things were definitely feeling better than they had in the hospital. I was taking pain killers, iron supplements, pre-natal vitamins, and a stool softener. I could get to the bathroom OK and was able to stand up long enough for a shower. By the 4th day after the birth I thought I was well enough to fold some laundry and vacuum the stairs.

Much bleeding, cramping, and acute fatigue later told me that even those "easy" activities were a bit advanced. I didn't quite learn my lesson, though, and attempted to go to a street fair in town the next day. I ended up laid up in bed for the rest of that day and most of the next.

The day I passed a bowel movement (Oh, TMI? Oops, sorry) was truly momentous. And painful. I would put it on the same level as delivering the placenta (ewwwwwww, I said "placenta."). There was some bleeding. I spent about 20 minutes in the bathroom all-told. It was not fun.

That's pretty much the story of the at-home recovery for me. I rest, I try to resume activities, and then my body lays the smack-down on me. Each time it happens it gets slightly better, though. A bit less recovery time. Nearly 5 weeks out from the birth and I'm now able to cook, do most of my regular cleaning, take short walks outside, and ride in the car to go on day trips to visit family. I'm still bleeding a bit, though, especially if I try to over-exert myself. Carrying the infant car-seat is a little trying, but do-able. My poop-schedule isn't quit on track (Oops, TMI again. Oh well), and it's still kind of painful. And I've been working on my kegels to get things back in shape. The gas incontinence is the worst thing at this point, but that's starting to get better.

So with one week of recovery left, I'm just now getting back to feeling mostly normal, physically. I didn't even touch on the emotional recovery in this post; I'll leave that for another day. But at least on the physical end of things that six week window does seem to be critical for getting rest and focusing on healing the body. It went through a lot!

The Beginning...part three

It was time to push.

The doctor walked in. No, walked isn't quite the word. Sashayed? Skipped? Performed handsprings? Those might be more accurate.

Here was this mild mannered man that I had been seeing at least once monthly for the past nine months. I was used to seeing him in a suit and glasses, rather reserved and soft-spoken, almost professorial in demeanor.

And here he was, snapping on his gloves with almost a playful twinkle in his eye. My husband was standing to the right of the bed. The doctor walked up to him, made a sweeping gesture toward my belly and told him, "There is a fish in there. And we are going to catch it!" He turned abruptly and walked away, off to prepare for the delivery that was to follow.

So much of the next two hours is a blur. What I do remember is what the doctor said during each contraction. My husband tells me that every time I said I was getting a contraction he would assume fighting stance, his right arm raised in a fist.

"PUSH! PUSH! THROUGH THE BOTTOM! THROUGH THE BOTTOM!"

The contraction would end and both of us would fall back and relax a bit.

"Now I know that this is difficult for you, but remember you must breathe out all the air in your lungs before you push. This is because you will inhale all you need for the pushing. You must have good air, lots of air, or you will not have enough energy for the pushing. Another contraction? EXHALE!! MORE! YOU MUST DO MORE NEXT TIME! PUSH! PUSH! THROUGH THE BOTTOM! THROUGH THE BOTTOM!"

And this continued for two hours.

Near the end my energy was draining. I was actually falling asleep between contractions, which I had never in my life believed would be possible. I have a vague memory of breaking into tears, at which point my doctor said "No. You cannot do this, you must be strong and push for this baby. This is not the time for tears. Remember, there is one person in this room who is more uncomfortable than you are: your baby."

When it was time the doctor asked for and received my permission to perform an episiotomy. Two contractions later my baby was delivered. That feeling - his birth - was hands down the most exhilarating feeling I have ever experienced. The release from the pain, the release from the abdominal pressure of pregnancy, together with the sound of his first cries created a sensation that is absolutely indescribable.

They laid him on my chest immediately and at once I saw my husband in his face. He was such a beautiful, squishy, old-man-lookin' baby. And then they took him away for clean-up.

I watched the nurses perform their clean-up duties, I watched my husband walk over to the bassinet and calm him with his voice, anything to distract myself from what was going on with me. The doctor tugging gently at the placenta (ewwwwwwww), - Baby is 7 pounds 1 ounce! - the eventual delivery of the placenta (ewwwwwwww), - 20 inches long! - the injection they gave me in my left arm, - Aw look, he's just peed on the floor. How cute! - the stitches to repair the episiotomy and the tearing that had happened anyway - OK, there's no distracting myself from that. Stitches without local anesthesia just sucks, and ten-fold when it's in such a sensitive area.

And then it was all over. I got some instructions from the doctor that I can't even remember, all of the pain was forgotten, and I got to hold my baby in my arms for as long as I wanted.

Baby boy was delivered at 11:03 PM. My husband and I cooed over the boy until we finally realized we were exhausted - 4:30 AM.

We should have gotten more sleep than that. But that's a lesson learned in retrospect.

Time Management

...or maybe the lack of time management?

I started this blog anticipating a post at least every couple of days just because there is so much I am learning and experiencing every single day.

Well, one of the things everyone told me that I didn't fully understand was that babies are time consuming. Also, that babies are kind of gross. Those things go hand in hand.

They poop, they pee, they puke, they drool, and sometimes that poop/pee/puke/drool leaks through their diapers and soaks into their little clothes. You know, the tiny little clothes that couldn't possibly fill up the washing machine. Well, they can and they do. And not only does it soak into their clothes but it also soaks yours, the sheets, any number of blankets, the carpet...you name it.

And all that liquidy goodness needs to get cleaned up. And when this bundle of bodily fluids (and love and joy!) isn't working on costing you your security deposit, he or she needs to eat. Or get burped. Or have their diaper changed. Or get tummy time. Or simply get loved on by mommy and daddy.

And in between that, Mommy and Daddy need to eat, shower, go grocery shopping, make and keep doctor appointments and in a couple of weeks here go back to work.

So to sum up, it's taken so long to get posts going because when I'm not doing nitty-gritty clean-up and other Responsible Adult Things, I've been soaking up precious time with my baby.