Waltzing's For Dreamers

Dear Little Man,

This afternoon I decided to share with you some music that your dad gave me before we started dating. It's a special mix, and you're a special guy, so I thought it would be a nice relief from your teething woes.

At first you were listening to me attempt to sing along to Elias, by Dispatch (in Shona!) and that was intriguing enough for a while, but soon you became tired and fussy. I stood us up and walked us around the living room through the next song, but I had a new idea after that one was through.

Waltzing's For Dreamers, by Richard Thompson came on so I decided that we would waltz. I have no clue how to even begin waltzing, other than there are twirls and it's in 3/4 time. I hummed along and soon you were on your way out. I decided to keep dancing with you through Madame George, by Van Morrison. It was during this song that it struck me - you won't be my little man for always.

Someday you're going to grow up and I won't get to decide to dance with you spur-of-the-moment. Someday I won't be the person you reach for when you're sad, or want holding, or you want to be soothed to sleep. In fact someday, when you're a Big Man, I might dance with you for the last time if or when you get married. The thought of you being so big made me choke up.

So even though you wake me up at 4:30 almost every morning, you cry and cry when your teeth are bothering you, you puke on me, you poop on me, you require such constant care and attention...don't become that Big Man too quickly. Let me keep soothing you back to sleep, helping you with your teethers, cleaning up your gacks, and wiping your little bottom for a while. Let me hold you close and let you drift off to sleep in waltz time, just loving on each other, simple as that for a while longer.

Love,

Mama

Kick the Giraffe!

This afternoon I was playing with the Little Man in his play gym. It was just him and me, so the house was pretty quiet and I had the opportunity to actually hear the things coming out of my mouth.

Lesson: when you become a parent the things you say will make you appear to be insane.

My son, being 3 1/2 months old, obviously cannot talk. But I talk to him, and he's pretty interactive in a non-verbal way. Here's how today's conversation sounded:

Me: [singing] doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo da da da doo do dah! *gasp!* Where's the music? What happened to the music? Kick the giraffe! Yay! Thank you! Aw, was that a fart? Toot toot. Ding din don, ding din don, frere jacques...where's the music? Kick the giraffe! Aw good job. Do you see your butterfly friends? Uh oh, are your butterfly friends making you angry? Let's get you out of there.

Certifiable.

Here's what actually happened during the conversation:

[singing along to the kid music] doo doo doo doo doo doo da da da doo do dah!

[the music stops]

*gasp!* Where's the music? What happened to the music? Kick the [stuffed] giraffe [on the support bar of the play gym, thereby re-activating the music]!

[He kicks the giraffe]

Yay! Thank you!

[He farts, then looks startled]

Aw, was that a fart? Toot toot.

[resuming singing along with the music, which has changed to "Frere Jacques"] Ding din don, ding din don, frere jacques [the music stops again]...

Where's the music? Kick the giraffe!

[He kicks the giraffe]

Aw good job.

[He looks up at the butterfly toys hanging off the top of the play gym.]

Do you see your butterfly friends?

[He starts to cry]

Uh oh, are your butterfly friends making you angry? [Crying continues]. Let's get you out of there.

[I pick up the Little Man and hold him on my shoulder].

See? It's all about context.

Work-out Wednesday

Well, I'm not back to getting formal exercise. But I've been doing a few more positive things. First, I've been trying to take back my eating habits. I'd been cramming junk into my body and drinking soda every day; not as much of that anymore. I've been looking for healthy recipes and insisting on cooking them, sometimes over the skeptical half-objection of my husband. Lots more veggies, lean meats, and complex carbs (yay brown rice!).

With the return of summer heat I've also been much better about drinking enough water, which should help. When we ran out of soda I didn't buy any more (or let my husband buy anymore).

Also, the Little Man has decided he really likes this game where I lie on my back and hoist him up and slowly lower him down to get kisses. He laughs his head off...and my arms get toned. Win-win! He also makes a good medicine ball, I've discovered. I lie down with him sitting on my belly and then hoist myself up like I'm doing a crunch and lift him a bit so I can reach him for kisses. OH and finally, if he's drifting off to sleep I can go around the house tidying up, but I have to keep him steady (so he doesn't wake up or get all bendy in the neck area) so I end up doing kind of a squat to get things off low surfaces.

So it's not really formal exercise, but it's kind of like weight training, in a way. Plus, I get to spend time with my boy and get things done around the house while also getting a bit of exercise. It seems to be working a lot better than leaving the house for 30 minutes at a time to go running in 100 degree weather, even if it's slightly less effective.

I finally broke down and got some new pants, though. The ones that I was finally able to wear from pre-pregnancy...rapidly developed holes in the knees. I was relegated to sweats and my one pair of capris (or work clothes. But no. Not gonna happen on vacation). No bueno. Conscious of my budget, we headed to the Salvation Army. I found a pair of GAP jeans that fit me really well, but then the Little Man started unraveling. Not wanting him to make too big a scene at the Salvation Army, I rushed through the rest of the jeans rack looking for another pair of GAP jeans in that size and style. Hallelujah I found one! I figured I could get away with not trying it on, since I'd already tried the other one.

Big mistake. When I got home they were WAY too small for me. They were harder to button than another pair I had that were a size smaller. Weird, huh? Ah well...another pair of jeans to aspire to wear...someday.

Never Mind, I DO Win.

Tonight we had the magic Gomez album on. My husband was rocking the Little Man to sleep...but he wouldn't relax...because he was lunging for me.

I took him, and he was nearly out within two songs.

SCORE!

He Wanted His Mommy!

Last night the Little Man was getting t-i-r-e-d, and Dad went to go put him down to sleep. Nothing seemed to be working. 45 minutes of rocking and walking and soothing and nursing did nothing for him. One thing the little guy kept doing, though, was looking at me and reaching his hands out toward me.

Now, he does this often. He'll reach out for me, and once I get him all tucked into my arms he notices Daddy and OMGINEEDDADNOW!!!!!! and he does the full body leaning and reaching. Lather, rinse, repeat until one or the other of us leaves the room.

But last night I took him and he snuggled in, kind of whimpering. He'd been fussing for a while, and was only quiet when my husband was walking him around. I figured I would try the walking around thing, so I put on his go-to-sleep album on the iPod and walked around with him. (If anyone is curious, his favorite album to fall asleep by is A New Tide, by Gomez.

When I'm putting the Little Man to sleep I have a rule: once he knocks out, carry him around patting his back until the next song is over. If I put him down too soon he just wakes right back up, so I have to be sure that he's really asleep. After the 45 minutes of unsuccessful bouncing by Dad, I figured we would be in for a long slog of it.

Nope. 2 songs and he was out.

I realized...he wanted Mommy to put him to sleep! Oh joy of joys! He chose me for something other than boob sucking! I mean, for nursing I win by default, but this was something Dad could do just as well (and usually better) than I can.

You don't understand. When it comes to my husband and myself I never win. He is just too darn much fun. He can go to a park with his buddy and suddenly he'll have 20 kids on him wanting to play fun games. My own niece and nephew are allllllllllllllllllllll about "UNKA MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!" and even though I used to be the fun aunt they far prefer playing with him.

So to be preferred for something. Wow. I had to restrain myself after putting the Little Man down from running downstairs and jumping up and down singing "I win! I win! He wanted me, I win!"

And then this morning happened. The little guy was obviously tired and ready for his first nap of the day. My husband was on sleep duty as I was otherwise occupied with the pump. He was having a hell of a time until he put on the Gomez album.

2 songs, kid was out. DAMMIT.

I don't win. Freaking pop rock wins. Oh well. He is only three months old, so I have plenty of time to win. And lose. But I'd better run out and buy a bazillion copies of that album so that we never lose it.

Work-out Wednesday

OK. So it's been pretty much a big fat FAIL for several weeks now. I haven't been checking in because there hasn't really been anything to check in about.

I think I might have learned a few things, though.

1. I feel crappy when I haven't been getting my exercise. As much as I say that I haven't been working out because I feel crappy, I really think it's the other way around.

2. Related to #1, it's really easy to make excuses. Like, "OMG I'm so stressed at the end of the school year, I just want to go home and veg." Or, "The baby is cranky so I can't go out and jog."

3. Letting one piece fall by the wayside invites other pieces to come undone as well. For example, I quit jogging and then my eating habits took a dive and then I started buying soda again.

And finally...

4. It's not a tragedy when it all falls apart, even if it's for weeks at a time. I stepped on the scale and overall was only up a pound since my last check-in here. Yeah, I've been making not-great food choices on the whole, but they're not terrible choices and I haven't been going overboard. I haven't been jogging, but I also haven't been laying around in bed doing nothing.

Knowing that I didn't take a huge step backwards when I fell of the work-out horse makes it a little easier to think about climbing right back on. It means that while I have taken a little step backwards while doing nothing, I have weeks of forward progress to look at while I was "being good." It makes it easier to think "OK. I can start up my good habits again and expect to make incremental progress, but if I skip a few days or a week it's not going to be the end of the world."

Will I start jogging again this week? I don't know. But I am determined to at least improve my eating habits and drink more water. And that's a start. And you know? Maybe it's not realistic to expect myself to get out there and jog 4 times a week (after all, there are BEES out there. Confession - I am deathly afraid of bees. And apparently there are lots of them out this time of year). But maybe if I change that expectation to just getting some exercise 4 days a week then that'll be OK. I have On Demand. I have the Wii Fit. Jillian Michaels and Jenny McCarthy might be able to help me out when I just can't bring myself to leave the house.

Let's work on being flexible with my means of meeting those goals.

Lesson: Naps are key

Oh man. Yesterday was fun. My husband, the Little Man, and I went sort-of-spur-of-the-moment down to visit some relatives to celebrate my youngest cousin graduating college. My sister and mom (who both live about 500 miles away) also made the decision to come last-minute and so I was excited to see so much family unexpectedly.

As we were getting ready to go, the Little Man nursed and then dropped off to sleep. It was about time for his long nap. In my parenting naivete, I said "No worries, he'll sleep in the car. It's a 2 hour ride, which is about right for his nap."

Um. Once woken to be placed in his car seat, he didn't go back to sleep. At all. For the rest of the day.

He did great at the party. He was smiley and playful and cooed at grandma and his aunts. He never cried once. Everyone remarked on how beautiful and well-behaved he was. At around the pre-arranged time we said our good-byes. Our goal was to get home before dark so that we could have some decompression time before bed. I hoped that he would get in a nap on the way home.

Nope. No such luck.

What was supposed to be a 2 hour ride took closer to 3. He screamed.his.head.off. We would pull over so that I could nurse him, calm him, burp him, change him - anything to make him happy. He was having none of it. He would calm down while we were stopped, but as soon as the car started up again he was right back at it.

Our poor little guy was mostly awake (with maybe two 15-30 minute naps) from 12:30 PM until 10:00 PM. He was a wreck. I felt terrible. He felt terrible. We all felt terrible.

Lesson for the day: Never wake him up from the long nap unless it's an emergency. And by emergency, I mean a fire or tornado is bearing down on the house. Also, while it's technically feasible to make last minute plans like we did with the baby...it's really best to plan these things ahead.