Mom Wars, or...why can't we agree to disagree?

A lot of people are great parents before they have kids. We've all heard about (or experienced) people saying within earshot of a mom dealing with a tantrum or a crying baby or some other rather embarrassing situation, "Well, if I had a child, I wouldn't let them get away with that." Or saying "When I have children I won't feed them formula/breastmilk/ice cream/junk food...or use the television as a babysitter...or [insert some judgmental remark here]." You get the picture.

Annoying? Yes, but it kind of makes sense. They don't know. They haven't been in that situation before. Maybe they wouldn't do any of that stuff. Maybe they would, but at least (in my head) there's the ignorance factor. Heh. Maybe I'm so forgiving because I was totally guilty of this before the Little Man was born.

What really gets me are the MOMS who say this stuff. It's like a giant pissing contest between judgy moms and whoever gets their children to age 18 without breaking any mom taboos first wins. Bonus points if you can inflict guilt on as many other moms as you can in the process.

Here's my take on it.

I'm one of 5 kids. My oldest sibling is 15 years older than my youngest sibling. Mom was 23 when she had the oldest of us, 38 with the youngest. So she's been the "young mom" and the "older mom."

My two older sisters were both formula fed. My brother and I were exclusively breast fed, and my younger sister started on the breast but was switched to formula at 3 months because she had both upper and lower teeth and was, um, not gentle.

My two older sisters were cloth diapered. My younger siblings and I were in disposables from birth to potty training.

And so on. In other words - we were raised pretty differently from each other.

But in the end, we all ended up walking, talking, making it through school, and all 5 of us graduated college. Including my brother who has autism - which introduced all KINDS of socially "unacceptable" (for the time) parenting strategies.

What works for one person won't necessarily work for someone else. What works for one KID won't necessarily work for the next kid. Moms should know this. Moms should be experts in this. So someone wants to formula feed or use cloth diapers or disposables or elimination communication, or co-sleep, or have their kid sleep in the nursery, or watch TV before age 2, or cry-it-out. BFD. It won't ruin a kid, and as long as said kid is happy, healthy, and well cared for it's none of anyone else's business.

That's not to say that I don't plan to post strategies or things that have worked for me with the Little Man. I'm all for sharing tools to stick in the Mom Toolbelt, just not trying to force everyone to use them.

Ok? Ok.

/soapbox rant

Old Ladies Love Babies, part 2

The other day we took the Little Man on a day trip to go visit my grandfather. My husband, parents, Little Man, and grandpa went out for lunch and afterward spent some time at the assisted living facility where he lives.

I had to go fax my doctor's note in to work, so my dad and I left for about 10 minutes to get that done at the facility's front desk. By the time we came back...

..Oh. Mah. Gaw.

They were swarming my husband. It was like a scene from The Birds.

...except instead of crows, they were surrounded by little old ladies. They all wanted to look at him and touch his little feet. We got more than one suggestion to leave the Little Man there for them to play with.

I have to admit, though, that I was secretly tickled every time one of them said "He's just the cutest baby!" And they didn't try to touch his hands or his face or criticize me in any way. So it was all good.

And I think it would be good to bring the Little Man down there more often. Good for him, and good for the little old ladies in his fan club.

Work-out Wednesday

I'm damn lucky, and I fully admit that.

I gained 34 pounds during the pregnancy and since delivery I have lost about 24 of those pounds.

However, prior to the pregnancy I had put on an extra 10 pounds already. The result? I have very few clothes that fit. Thankfully most of my work clothes will do for now, but as for the weekends I'm still wearing sweats and maternity pants.

I also did the dumb thing during pregnancy and didn't take the doctor's advice about exercise. He wanted me to walk two miles a day and I just decided not to. The result of that? I get winded walking up the stairs.

So I'm setting some fitness goals for myself and plan to keep myself accountable here.

• Check in here with my progress on Wednesdays
• Drink 64 ounces of water daily
• Keep to USDA guidelines for portion control
• Add at least one more serving of vegetables every day
• Cut soda from the diet
• Follow a training program to work up to a 5k run
• Work up to a steady weight training routine

I know that goals are meaningless unless there's some way to measure progress. I don't want to get stuck on the scale so instead I'll use the fit of my clothing as the true test and also as my reward for success. Right now I have a pile of 6 pairs of pants that do not fit. As I make progress I'll look better, feel better, and the objective proof will be in the brand new (old) wardrobe!

Returning to Work

I had my 6 week postpartum checkup yesterday.

Side note: I highly recommend reminding the doctor about the lube before the pelvic exam, just in case he or she forgets. Trust me. Yeowtch.

I've been OKed to return to work on Monday. How has it been 6 weeks already?

Bit of history: I've struggled with depression for many, many years. Typically it pops up when I spend a lot of time at home. In fact my healthiest time, mentally, was when I was going to school full time and working three jobs (one full-time and two part-time). Too much time at home makes mama go, well, crazy.

Because of this I had always assumed that if or when I had kids I would need to continue working if only for sanity's sake. I had figured that if I worked I would ironically be more available to my kids because I would have less time to dwell in a negative mindframe and thus have more emotional energy for the kids.

Now I'm in a situation where I have to work. I'm the main source of income for the family so there isn't a choice.

Every time I think about it I want to cry. Since the Little Man was born I have been there for the diaper changes, the feedings, I've soothed him when he cried, I saw his first smile (at me!), I've bathed him, held him, loved him 24 hours a day. Starting a week from yesterday I have to give away 9 of those hours to someone else. I'm so sad that I might miss his first laugh, the first time he rolls over, crawls, walks, his first word. Even though I know he's too young to have this thought or feeling I worry that he'll think I'm abandoning him all day, that I prefer to be away from him while I'm at work.

It hasn't been a vacation staying at home. The Little Man is a demanding task master. As my husband puts it, "Having a child is the heaviest burden you never want to put down." I never knew how true that statement is until only six weeks ago.

Remedies

So my kid and I are pretty lucky that he hasn't had any health problems. No colic, no reflux, nothing that's warranted a call to the pediatrician yet :knock on wood:.

What he has had are pretty common baby-type things: 1) discomfort while pooping, 2) diaper rash, and 3) a blocked tear duct. We've been able to figure out how to deal with these pretty quickly at home (with the solicited advice of some experienced relatives).

Discomfort while pooping.

What was going on with our guy: he just hasn't gotten used to the whole sensation of stuff running through his system. He was starting to push way too soon, and getting frustrated.

What we did: we pushed on his feet so that his knees folded up toward his chest. This put him in a better pushing position than laying straight out. We also sometimes moved his legs in a circular motion, like he's riding a bicycle. If he seemed to have more gas than anything else we gave him Mylicon.

Diaper rash.

What was going on with our guy: he was getting a red little bum and one day I noticed little red spots that were about to turn into sores.

What we did: first we changed his diaper more often. Then we addressed the rash itself. We used water-only wipes (which the pediatrician recommended for the first month anyway), then at each diaper change used cornstarch baby powder to make sure his little butt was completely dry. Afterwards we applied a paste made of diaper rash ointment (zinc oxide) and Maalox. The spots disappeared within a couple of diaper changes and the redness went away by the next morning.

Blocked tear duct.

What was going on with our guy: baby's left eye was watering and he woke up with little eye crusties. He didn't have a fever or any other symptoms of being sick.

What we did: first I got a clean washcloth wet with hot water and made a hot compress for his eye. Then I ran my (clean) finder under his eye toward his nose 4 or 5 times as a kind of massage. I compressed the eye again immediately after. At his next feeding I dropped a couple of drops of breast milk into his eye (again, using a clean finger). According to the old wife known as my mother, breast milk has antibodies in it that will help to clear up minor infections. Well what do you know, it worked. The next morning my kid's eye was clear and the problem didn't come back for a few weeks. Last night he started to get a watery eye again, so we'll be treating again tonight.

Old Ladies Love Babies

So yesterday we brought the Little Man in for his one month well-baby appointment. Everything looks good, he's gaining weight, gaining length, and his head had a growth spurt. He cried through the whole exam, though. Screamed, really. This kid just really doesn't like being nekkid.

Anyway, after we got out of the exam room and I was waiting to pay the good doctor my husband and son were immediately assaulted by the 4 old ladies sitting in the waiting room.

"It's a brand new one!"

"Oh, he's so tiny for making all that noise!"

"How precious, what a handsome baby."

"I remember when my grandchildren were so small."

"What's his name?"

"How old is he?"

"You know, I have 2 children, 2 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren!"

"Well I have 2 children and 6 grandchildren!"

"Oh yeah? Well I have 2 children, 4 grandchildren, and EIGHT great-grandchildren!"

"What a beautiful little baby, and you look like you have some experience with babies!"

"What a natural father."

Finally, one of the old ladies turned to me and said "Do you nurse?" I said yes. She said "Well he's crying for food, you oughta feed him!"

Nice.

My Son, Month 1

I had assumed that the first couple of months would be rather uneventful. I expected that our days and nights would consist of feedings, diaper changes, soothing, and sleep. Well, our Little Man has made his needs and preferences clear from the beginning.

Things he's taught me in the first month:

• He doesn't like to sleep on his back. He much prefers his side.
• If I have to put him on his tummy, it darn well better be tummy to tummy with Mom.
• Eating is the best thing evarrrrrr...he dreams about it constantly.
• Mirrors might be the next best thing.
• Diaper changes aren't so bad, but changing clothes is torture.
• Baths can be fun given the right circumstances. Or they can be almost as bad as clothing changes given the wrong ones.
• He will grow faster than I'm ready.
• He has a 6th sense about when I lay down to take a nap - it's his cue to wake up and need food. STAT.
• Waking up isn't fun for anyone, not even tiny babies. Can I cry like that when I need to start waking up for work?
• Nipples aren't very confusing for him. Nip is nip in his world, and they're alllllll good.