Reverse Mom/Work Guilt

I've heard a lot of moms mention mom guilt. I'm feeling some of it - I could do a lot of things better than I am doing. I should spend less time in front of the computer and more time interacting with my son. I should spend more time helping out my husband with household duties. I should step in and rock the Little Man to sleep more nights. I should worry less about working out and getting some semblance of my pre-pregnancy body back. I should do about a million things.

But one thing I refuse to guilt myself over is working. I support the family, and that's damned important if you ask me. I've always been the primary earner in this relationship, so it just makes sense that I go back to work. Do I wish I could stay home all day with my family? Of course, but that's not realistic and unless we come into a whole truckload of surprise inheritance from a previously unknown wealthy relative or win the lottery it's just not going to happen.

I do feel work-related guilt, though. From the other side. As a teacher, I care about all of my students. In my former life I would spent a lot of my time outside of work thinking about them and what I can do to help them in class, help them outside of class, help them develop and grow into adults. I would spend a lot of time in my own headspace thinking about tweaks I could make to my class that could make things run better. Now, I spend far less time doing that. I still care deeply about my students and I do spend time trying to fine-tune my style and my class...but once I get home my brain is on my own Little Man.

But every morning when I walk in and I remember something I had been planning on "fixing" in my brain that I just forgot about overnight, I feel guilty. My students get less of me because of my home responsibilities. My world has changed and theirs hasn't. I still stay after my contract time is over at work...but not as long as before. I still bring work home, but I don't focus on it as much as I did before. I still think about my students at home, but not to the same depth and as soon as the Little Man needs me for anything work vanishes from my brain.

I'm hoping that part of this is that I have a combination of being a new mother, a new teacher, and it's the end of the school year. I'm hoping that a new school year starting up in July will bring more balance. I'm hoping that I can continue to be a good teacher AND a good mom. And if all that hoping gets me nowhere, then I'd better find a way to make it work because this is the life we've got and I've gotta make it the best one I can give; to my son and to my students.